My first time being on an airplane; my first time traveling outside of the country; my first time studying abroad on a different continent; my first time in Africa, South Africa.
My mind is mostly focused on leaving my family and friends as well as being so far away from everyone even if it is a short two-week trip. I have checked my suitcase several times to make sure I have my assigned literary texts, clothing, adapters, and other travel size supplies while making sure I have space for my souvenirs. By checking over my lists of things I have to do, I am mentally preparing myself for leaving and going to South Africa. Additionally, I use my checklist to make sure I am prepared for travel and distract myself from overthinking about things I cannot control. If I think about what I expect to experience, I will not be able to enjoy my study abroad trip because of my actual lived experience is often different than what I imagined. I have realized that it is better to experience things in the moment; therefore, my expectations won’t prevent me from actually enjoying myself.All these things are on my mind as I prepare to go to South Africa; I feel like I should feel excited. However, my mind can’t stop thinking about what this study abroad trip entails for me:
My first time being on an airplane; my first time traveling outside of the country; my first time studying abroad on a different continent; my first time in Africa, South Africa.
I just feel anxious and nervous with just a little bit of excitement. It’s a feeling similar to my constantly emotions while watching and reading horror stories; you aren’t actually afraid, but you are feeling nervous or unsettled about the unexplained unknown feelings this phenomenon produces. So, so when it ends, you feel relief and glad you endured the whole experience despite being worried.
By admitting that I am nervous and anxious, I will be able to deal with these range of emotions rather than trying to sit and focus on them. I will also force myself to enjoy new opportunities and experiences in South Africa. For example, I want to go caving and go on the safari as well as have an opportunity to drink smoothies while searching for books within the bookstores abroad. Besides these noneducation things I want to do and experience, I am ready to study abroad in South Africa to learn about different cultures, resistance, and freedom in South Africa despite feeling very nervous and anxious because I am very interested in how colonization in America and South Africa can be similar but also different when discussing the subjectivities of colonized or post-colonial subjects.