It is now less than 24 hours before I leave home for my study abroad trip. I’ve known I’ve needed to write this blog for months now, but I could never bring myself to sit down and write it before today. In fact, I’ve been sick thinking about writing this blog post. Do I write something vulnerable? Do I write about how excited I am to travel out of the country for the first time (outside of a cruise, where I spent maybe 4 hours in a foreign port. Not much comparison, really), or what I packed for the trip? Excitement doesn’t seem like the right word, it *technically* isn’t my first time abroad, and writing about what I packed felt unhelpful at best, considering I haven’t yet finished and am doubtful what I have packed is efficient. That post would probably be more helpful as an after trip recap anyways. So this leaves me with writing something vulnerable. YAY.
I would say that when I decided to study abroad excitement was the best word to describe how I was feeling. I researched the area, looking at local cuisine, the culture, and pretty much any information I could find that I could look forward to on my trip. But the trip was months away and, on some level, wasn’t real to me yet. As the trip approached I researched less and less, hesitated to buy plane tickets, and pushed away any harbinger of the trip to come. My excitement devolved into anxiety, which manifested itself into an unwillingness to divest any energy into preparing for this trip. I couldn’t bring myself to email my professor my flight plan until a few days ago. I’ve always been a procrastinator, but this felt different. This felt like if I ignored it, it would go away. But I don’t want that, I WANT to travel and study abroad. And it is this confusing mess of emotions that has led me here, sitting at my dining room table with my blog post and a list of things unpacked. My behavior seems completely irrational, even to me. However, even though I still feel completely unmotivated to finish packing and check off my final to-do lists, I know that it is something that needs to be done and that this trip is something that I will be thankful for later on.
If you’re reading this, maybe instead of writing your own blog post under the guise of “looking for inspiration,” and feel the same way I have these past few weeks, I hope you find your courage and have an amazing time abroad. It’s time for me to finish packing my luggage.
Good luck and roll tide!
